Love Doubles

Boris Tomson asked:


What is Love?

Did you know what is love and who will make love.If you love Me, you will keep My commandments of love. This is the mandate for the Biblical concept of Love. The concept that some can love Christ and die-regard His Word Is without warrant or Biblical. We cannot separate God from His Word, therefore, too love God and Christ means that we must love His Word just the same. Here are some examples to consider:

http://howtomake-love.blogspot.com

My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord, or loathe His reproof. For whom the Lord loves, He reproves. Even as a father, the son in whom he delights’,”It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline … Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of love spirits, and live?”Notice what both writers say about Love. A father who loves his own children will discipline them accordingly. In the same manner, our heavenly Father disciplines us when we stray or grow weary as His children loves you. The question is Why? Because in both cases it is a manifestation of a Father’s love for His children. True Love involves discipline. Where there is discipline, there is love! Everybody feels it and everybody wonders how to tell if it is real - LOVE. Are you really in love? Is your steady in love with you? Take our quiz to get a clue.I know I love him because I just can’t get him off of my mind. At a party I confessed my true feelings and he told me he liked me too - as a friend. He said he just wanted us to be friends right now. I really, really want to be with him, how do I make him love me? how i love him?

In conclusion, if we say that we love God, then we are saying we love His word, and by this we know that we are His love child.What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more

What is love Yeah Oh I don’t know why you’re not fair I give you my love but you don’t care So what is right and what is wrong gimme a sign What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more What is love Baby don’t hurt me

Don’t hurt me no more Oh I don’t know what can I do what else can I say it’s up to you I know we’re one just me and you I can’t go on What is love ?…Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more What is love What is love What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more Don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me I want no other No other love This is your life our time When we are together I need you forever Is it love What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more What is love Baby don’t hurt me Don’t hurt me no more….

What is love ?…http://howtomake-love.blogspot.com

he defines love as follows: “Love is a feeling directed at someone which acknowledges their goodness.” On the same cassette, he refers to the definition by M. Scott Peck: “The willful intent to serve the well being of another.” Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. My favorite is by Paramahansa Yogananda: “To describe love is very difficult, for the same reason that words cannot fully describe the flavor of an orange. You have to taste the fruit to know its flavor. So with love.” Love itself is a universal experience. Yet, every individual occurrence - while perhaps bound by a common thread - seems absolutely unique. Love is what love is! To everyone it expresses itself differently. If you want Love, you must first Love. Love begets Love. You cannot deliver from an empty wagon. You must first learn to Love yourself before you can give Love. “If you Loved me, you would. . .” Not! Love is not manipulative. It must never be used to get others to do what you want. When you Love someone you never ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of Love. This form of manipulation contaminates our Love for another.

Love is to like with a great intensity. True love has a foundation of integrity, respect, faith and trust. Love is the force that brings about unity and harmony. Although love is at the root of our basic nature, Love for another human being must be cultivated. It takes time for Love to mature. Is your love free and unconditional, or is it mixed with various needs, conditions and demands from your partner? The road to self-discovery is paved with Love.

Love has no meaning other than the meaning “we” give it.

Perhaps. . . Love just Is. While in its allness and in its nothingness, all we need to do is simply let it Be.http://howtomake-love.blogspot.com

Robert Heinlein in “Stranger in a Strange Land” said, Love is. . . “That condition whereby the happiness of another is essential to your own.” (Thanks, Don)

To demonstrate Love. . . say, “I Love you” - outloud - at least once each day to someone you love. There is magic in these three little words. Saying “I love you” is the most beautiful gift you can give to your partner.

One must understand whether “what is love” can be a question which can be answered? Love cannot be a question. For, if it is a question then an answer should be there. If the answer is there, where is it? This question is ancient and an answer should have been found by now! If the answer has been found, the question would have disappeared.

For more What is love Guide details log on to http://howtomake-love.blogspot.com

You have given chocolates to your partner before, just do it now!

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Willie E. Love asked:


Cannibalism is nowhere discussed in the New Testament. Once again this silence is because it was not an issue. Nowhere in the “civilized world” in which the Gospel had spread was cannibalism practiced. Therefore, there was no need to discuss it.  God gave to Moses to rule the people of Israel with, there are sections that deal with dietary restrictions. These contain further limitations on what meats can be eaten. In spite of covering almost every conceivable possibility of various animals, fish, and birds one might consider eating, these laws never once mention the consumption of human flesh. The fact that cannibalism is never mentioned is a strong indication that such a thing is understood so clearly to be wrong that it doesn’t need to be mentioned. 

In summary, while there is no explicit command against cannibalism that one can point to in Scripture, from the beginning (Genesis 1:26-27), God made it clear that mankind was distinct from the animal kingdom, being made in His image. As early as Noah’s time, God made it clear that because man was made in His image, he was to be valued in a fashion above that of animals. While God gave man permission to eat a wide variety of meats, He never gave man permission to eat other people. The close association of cannibalism with the final stages of judgment from God also identifies it as the loathsome and evil thing it is.

Recommended Resource: Bible Answers for Almost all Your Questions by Elmer Towns.

Greath Owen asked:


The Love spell is performed with many loving rituals. If you love someone and want them back, then a great method to bring that love is by a love spell. If anyone wants to attract someone new or if ones lover is in love with someone else, then by introducing love spells you may gain back your lost love. Lost love spells are usually performed for someone who has lost his or her love and wants them back.

Anyone can learn to use the laws of spell casting if he or she is ready for magic.

Types of Love Spells

Some of the more common and ancient Magic Love Spells include: Wicca Love Spells, Voodoo Love Spells, Simple Love Spells, Powerful Love Spells, Egyptian Love Spells, Reuniting Love Spells, Reuniting Lovers Spells, Attracting Love Spells, Psychic Love Spells, Return & Reunite Love Spells and Bring Back Lost Love Spells.

Uses of the Love Spell

Love spells are cast for many reasons, especially to gain back a lost love, attract a new love, to find a new lover, turn a good friend into a lover, draw a loved one closer, receive a proposal of marriage, celebrate married life, mend lover’s quarrels, magnify lust, attract casual sexual partners, or increase fertility. Love spells can be gentle or strong, suggestive or coercive.

Love Spells for Different People

Red spells are for romance, love, lust, fertility, or sexuality. Binding spells are used to bring two lovers together forever. It can also be used for those who are insecure with their love relationship. Love spells can be used for Protection. To protect your marriage or repel against divorce often marriage spells, break up spells, breaking Love Spells or divorce spells are used. Some times love spells are used to get back a lost Love. Another favourite are the potent Break up Spells which are commonly used to get back someone who is with some one else.

Techniques of Casting a Love Spell Different people use different Techniques in Love Spell Casting. But the most common techniques are:-

Love Spell Casting using Horoscope Signs Love Spell Casting using Moon Phases Love Spell Casting using Tarot Card Reading Love Spell Casting with Candle Spells Visualization

How to Cast a Love Spell

For a very common type of love spell you can easily try the following - This works best on the Friday before a full moon. You will require a Pink Candle, a Vase, and Pink Flowers possibly roses.

Step 1- After sunset light a candle and place next to the vase. Step 2- Say aloud I ask the power of love and light to bring opportunity for me Step 3- Next recite I affirm that I am worthy of love. Step 4- I am opened to love and ask him/her to come to me. Step 5- Blow out the candle. Step 6- Wait a month – and if there is no change, try the spell again.

Love spells draw the magic forces for someone to love you. Modern scientific research is rediscovering ancient magical truths. It was once believed that magicians could create miracles, witches could cast spells, and through chanting certain people could bring on the unbelievable. Now we find modern instances of the same ancient principles in new terms called meditation.

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Robin Calamaio asked:


Love. This seems like an important subject area for Christianity. In fact, one could even contend it is a core element of the Christian faith! After all, the first commandment is the requirement to love God - with all our heart, mind, soul and strength (Mk 12:30). The second commandment requires us to love our neighbor as our self (Mk 12:31)! This “love” requirement covers all our vital relationships - toward self, neighbor and Creator! But the centrality of this “love doctrine” extends even further. The Bible states that love fulfills the Law (Ro 13:8-10 and Gal 5:14)! So, all the requirements of the Law of God … are fulfilled by love?! It is evidently made up of something that has the ability to satisfy the requirements the entire Old Testament theocracy! This is worth thought, investigation and inquiry!

So, … what is love? If we are to fulfill these commands, we need some kind of definition. How else can we know if we are meeting His requirements?

A Common Teaching

There are two New Testament Greek words often translated “love” in English. Here is a common teaching - maybe the common teaching - on the meaning of these two Greek words.

1) Agapao (verb); Agapee (noun). God is agapee (1Jn 4:8). As God Himself is agapee, and since He is divine, then it logically follows that He acts (the verb) in divine love - agapao. Agapee originates in God, and can never fail (1Cor 13:8). This is clearly the highest form of love. Therefore, many teach agapao/agapee means, “the unconditional, divine love of God.” It is also taught that non-Christians are separated from this love, but at conversion, one enters into this love. But, there’s more! The convert becomes more than just a simple recipient of this love from God. He/she now becomes a conduit for this “alien-to-the-world” love to flow through. With Christ in the Christian, the divine love of God can unconditionally flow toward those around the Christian. And since agapao as an act of God (unconditional and unfailing), the actions, or reactions, of the targeted object are ultimately irrelevant as this love is independent of human affectations.

2) Phileo (verb); Philos (noun). This is defined as “brotherly love,” or “man’s love.” It is the love expressed by unsaved people. Therefore, it is a lesser form of love than the divine agapao. Ultimately, it is a self-centered type of love that does have conditions to it - even if not readily detectable. As simply a human love, it is innately fickle and can be turned on and off as situations and conditions change. The transliterated word, Philadelphia (philia + adelphphia fem.), means, “the city of brotherly love,” and is often cited as an example of the meaning phileo.

This teaching sounds quite learned as it appeals to the original New Testament language. It is also quite appealing as it separates the pure and holy love of God from the fickle, corruptible affections that periodically emanate from the unsaved. This really does sound great! But the part about the Christian entering into God’s divine love (agapao) upon conversion - the love the world does not know - well, that is phenomenal. And when you add that the convert can become a funnel for this divine material to flow though - spontaneously, unconditionally, even divinely - to all those around - what a rush! The only problem with this teaching … is that it is wrong. How can I be so confident about this assertion?

I had been taught, and believed, the common teaching on the meaning of agapao and phileo (related above). It had come through Biblical scholars and was even taught in several denominations to which I had been exposed. I had no reason to doubt the accuracy of this teaching as I was just “a layman” and only knew English. And surely on such an important topic - Love - the teaching was correct. But then, I went to a Bible college. After completing my first year of “Beginners Greek,” I began reading the Gospel of John - the simplest of the New Testament Greek. In describing what happened next, I will now quote directly from my Ebook, “Love and the Bible” (pages 9-11, 13, and 19).

As I started in John, everything was going along quite well. Eventually, I came to John 3:16. “For God so loved (agapao) the world, that He gave His only begotten Son…” I thought, “I know that word! That’s God’s love! That’s the love the world is incapable of generating!” I had run across the stuff of legend! There it was - the powerful, exclusive, love from God - in all it’s purity and transcendency! A love generated from the deepest recesses of the heart of our benevolent Creator projected unconditionally upon an undeserving world! I thought, “Wow! This is great!” I excitedly continued my journey through John. Then, three verses later ….

I came to John 3:19. “And this is the judgement; that the light has come into the world, and men loved (agapao) the darkness rather than the light….” It took me a second, and then I said, “Say, what?” I read the verse again. I was stunned. Even now, twenty plus years later, that moment is still frozen in time. I thought, “I did not read what I just read. This is an impossible statement. Men … with divine love - for the darkness?! WHAT?? How can men divinely love darkness??” I saw that agapao was in the Aorist mood and active voice, so I immediately went to my lexicon to make sure it was agapao. Sure enough … it was. In disbelief, I read it again and inserted the definition for agapao I had been taught. “… and men had a divine, unconditional love - the love of God, the love from God - FOR DARKNESS!!!” The shocking reality then struck me - “Agapao cannot mean divine love!! I have been taught error … about love!!” Aughhhhhhh. And is there a subject more central to Christianity than Love?? I’m telling you - alarms went off everywhere! A biblical understanding of love is critical - to everything as far as Christianity is concerned! We are commanded to love God, love our neighbor, love our wife, love our children, love the brethren, love life, love His coming - love our enemies!! We are not to love money, love the chief seats, love the first place … love is all over the place - in attitudes, behaviors, actions and reactions. “I have been taught error about … LOVE!!!” For me, this created an emergency of the first order. But, as I am interested in your input, I would like for you to now go to a poll I have on my website. It asks:

“The information I have just been exposed to has:

1) created an emergency of the first order,

2) simply pricked my interest,

3) created no emergency at all, or

4) has done nothing, as I don’t know what the heck you are talking about.”

The Search for Truth Begins in Earnest!

God only has to say something one time for it to be forever true and fully empowered. But if we can find other corroborating witnesses in His word on a particular subject area, that will help us to be sure we correctly understand and represent His view on that topic. With that in mind, I immediately grabbed my Greek concordance so as to examine every use of the word agapao. The verb form appears almost 150 times in the New Testament. Here are five of them.

2Ti 4:10 “Demas, having loved (agapao) this present world, deserted me…”

2Pet 2:15 “… they (false teachers) … followed the way of Balaam … who loved (agapao) the wages of unrighteousness.

Jn 12:43 “For they (the Pharisees) loved (agapao) the approval of men rather than the approval of God.”

Lk 11:43 “Woe to you Pharisees! For you love (agapao) the front seats in the synagogues, and (you love - agapao) respectful greetings in the market places.”

Lk 16:13 “No servant can serve two masters; for he will either **** the one, and love (agapao) the other …. You cannot serve God and mammon.”

There are sixteen uses of agapao/agapee in this vein. These will all be listed later.

“Ohhh … What about phileo?”

Immediately, another word came to mind. “What about phileo? Does that mean, ‘brotherly love’? Is it a human love inferior to agapao?” Within minutes, I discovered that phileo had nothing to do with brotherly love! NOTHING!! In John 5:20, Jesus stated, “For the Father loves (phileo) the Son, and shows Him all things that He Himself is doing….” In this passage, phileo is an activity between God the Father and God the Son!! This “stuff,” is generated from inside God the Father and its target is God the Son! Man is completely outside the loop! I thought, “Phileo cannot mean ‘brotherly love’ or some second rate man’s love! It can’t! Furthermore, how can it be inferior to agapao when it is generated by God Himself?”

So, there I stood ….

So, there I stood, six years into my Christian experience - with no idea what the Bible itself actually taught about love! What a betrayal! I had naively relied upon the integrity of those Greek “scholars” in my past - and I propagated their error - their false teaching - their heresy! And the errant material dealt with - Love! What a subject to be screwed up on! After the feelings of shock, anger, and grief … came cool resolve. A journey was launched for me the day I ran across the statement that “men loved (agapao) the darkness rather that the light; for their deeds were evil” (Jn 3:19).

My Starting Point

While I did not know what the Bible did teach on this subject, I did know this. Agapao could not mean divine love, and phileo could not mean brotherly, or man’s, love. So, I already did know more than my “teachers” knew on the subject! That encouraged me a little bit. Things could only get better - if God would grant me the wisdom, understanding and insight needed to grow into truth. So, I asked Him for that assistance. That was my starting point. If this sounds reasonable to you, maybe you could take a moment and ask the same.

Back to this Article

Here is a listing of all the “profane uses” of agapao and agapee. Plug in the common teaching’s definition of “divine love,” and you will see it is impossible for agapao/agapee to mean, “divine love.”

Evil (or Neutral) or Non-Divine Agapao (verb) Uses:

Only loving those who love you (Mt 5:46).

Two masters - **** one and love the other - can choose agapao for money over God (Mt 6:24).

Sinners also love those that love them (Lk 6:32 - this is two uses in one breath!).

Which released debtor will love the releasing lender most? (Lk 7:42).

Pharisees love the uppermost seats and respectful greetings (Lk 11:43).

Men loving darkness (Jn 3:19).

Pharisees loving the praise of men more than the praise of God ( Jn 12:43).

Peter being asked if He loved Jesus “more than these” (Jn 21:15).

Demas having loved this present age (2Ti 4:8).

Balaam who loved the wages of unrighteousness (2Pet 2:15).

Admonition to not love the world. If one does, the love of the Father is absent (1Jn 2:15).

Not to love with word or tongue, but in deed and truth (1Jn 3:18).

Evil or Non-Divine Agapee (noun) Uses:

Love of many that grows cold (Mt 24:12).

Leaving first love (Rev 2:4).

The Bible teaches:

Agapao and Agapee are routinely expressed by man (saved and unsaved) and also by God.

Agapao (verb) displayed by God: “… for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2Cor 9:7. This use can be found in dozens of other passages.

Agapao (verb) displayed by saved man: “He that loves his brother abides in the light ….” 1Jn 2:10. This use can be found in dozens of other passages.

Agapao (verb) displayed by unsaved man: “… men loved darkness rather than the light ….” Jn 3:19. Also see, Mt 5:26, Mt 6:24, Lk 6:32, Lk 7:42, Lk 7:47, Lk 11:43, Jn 12:43, 2Ti 4:10, 2Pet 2:15, 1Jn 2:15, 1Jn 3:18 and Mt 24:12. A couple of these are injunctions to Christians to direct agapao in the right direction (e.g., 1Jn 2:15 and 1Jn 3:18).

Agapee (noun) in reference to God: “God commended His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Ro 5:8, plus dozens of other examples.

Agapee (noun) in reference to saved man: “…and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you ….” Eph 5:2. (This is the passage where the noun and verb are not divorced - “just as Christ also loved (agapao) you!” The same stuff!

Agapee (noun) in reference to unsaved man: “And because lawlessness is increased, most people’s love will grow cold” (Mt 24:12). See also Revelation 2:4.

The truth is, agapao abounds all around us, being practiced by sinners and saints alike. And it is directed towards animate as well as inanimate objects! It is practiced towards money, towards places of honor, and towards the world! Once you understand what agapao is, you will begin to recognize its presence all around you. The Bible does not list every use of expressed agapao in its pages. But it gives enough examples to set us on the trail to see its expressions and activities in this world. You see, agapao does abound - whether you see it or not, whether you understand what it is or not, or whether you are willing to acknowledge it or not. And sinners exude it in all directions as they “agapao the darkness!” (Jn 3:19).

Phileo

Here are some passages where phileo is used - and can not mean “brotherly love,” or a “man’s love.” Plug in either definition, and you will see it is impossible for the common teaching to be correct.

The Father’s love for the Son (Jn 5:20).

Jesus’ love for Lazarus (Jn 11:3).

The Father’s love for the disciples (Jn 16:27).

Jesus’ love for John (Jn 20:2).

Jesus’ love for His own (Rev 3:19).

The Bible teaches:

Phileo is routinely expressed by man (saved and unsaved) and also by God!

Phileo displayed by God: “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline.” Rev 3:19. See also Jn 5:20, Jn 11:3, Jn 11:36, Jn 16:27a, and Jn 20:2.

Phileo displayed by saved man: “Greet them that love us in the faith.” *** 3:15. See also, Jn 16:27b, Jn 21:15,16,17, and 1Cor 16:22 (a critically important use examined in detail in the Eook).

Phileo displayed by unsaved man: “Outside … (is) everyone who loves and practices lying.” Rev 22:15. There are seven other uses like this. See Mt 6:5, Mt 10:37 (twice), Mt 23:6, Lk 20:46, Jn 12:25, and Jn 15:19.

As you can see, it is impossible for phileo to mean, “brotherly love.”

So, agapao and agapee are expressed by man (saved and unsaved), and by God. Phileo is also expressed by man (saved and unsaved), and by God! Man and God display both.

I hear many of you now asking, “So, what does agapao/agapee mean? And what does phileo mean? And why are so many ‘Greek scholars’ in error on what the Bible teaches about love?” Well, the intent of this Article has been to expose that agapao/agapee cannot mean, “the unconditional, divine love of God” - and that phileo cannot mean, “brotherly love.” This has been done by simply quoting Bible passages that confound such definitions. Even those who have no knowledge of New Testament Greek can see these definitions are impossible - thus refuting the common teaching about biblical love. In order for you to find out what these Greek words actually do mean - and why so many “scholars” are in such tremendous error - you can find out in my free Ebook, “Love and the Bible” at my Website listed in the Author Bio. Of course … maybe an accurate understanding of what the Bible actually does teach about love is not really that important….

Copyright 2006

Mervyn Love asked:


Don’t be put off by age. People may sneer. People may joke. But the fact remains that old folk are just as good at writing humdingers as the young upstarts. Some would say better. Why? Because us wrinklies have more experience, more insight into life and more memories to draw from than the younger element. And not as much angst.

Also, older folk have more empathy with people going through both the highs and the lows of living in todays hectic world because, more likely than not, they’ve been there, done that and know precisely where to buy the T-shirt. They understand what makes things tick on a deeper level, and have probably arrived at a philosophical appraisal of where life is coming from and where it’s going which can add depth and breadth to their writing.

I was heartened to read in May’s issue of Writers’ Forum about Mary Cavanagh who has published her first book at the age of 60! Brilliant! Go girl! You’ve got plenty of time for another 10 at least!

Mary took a writing course which she says made her much more thoughtful and focussed, and knuckled down to writing “The Crowded Bed” which was subsequently published by Transita. Yes, it can be done.

If you feel that you’re knocking on a bit and are loosing hope for your writing career, think again. Snap out of it and get to work. Draw on that fighting-against-all-odds British spirit which we over-60s appear to be the sole custodians of these days.

Someone reading this is the next Ian Fleming, or even the next J K Rowling. Is it YOU?

Thesigan Nadarajan asked:


Are you in love or is someone in love with you? If the answer is yes to either of these questions, then this article might be useful for your love life. The emotion of love that you are feeling cannot be defined consistently. It however can be experienced and described in an understanding manner. Whatever the type or intensity of love that you are experiencing right now, it might be useful to compare it to what Robert J. Sternberg (1986) considered as a complete form of love, which he termed as “Consummate Love”. Now before we get into the debate of whether there is such a thing as “a complete form of love”, I would like to qualify that I am only quoting Sternberg’s perspective as a comparison benchmark and not as the only dogma for love. Another matter to be noted is the use of the term “persons”.

Why I use the term “Persons?”

The term person is being employed here to avoid gender biasness and heterosexism. My personal view of gender is that, it stands for “the state of being male or female”, and *** refers to sexual orientation (Weiten & Lloyd, 2006). Thus, whether you are a male or a female, with whatever sexual orientation, you can experience the emotion of love. I believe that up to this stage, there isn’t much controversy. But what about the next question?

What is the traditional perspective of love and sexual orientation?

Male can fall in love with a female and have sexual relationship. This is acceptable according to heterosexism. But when a male falls in love with a male or a female falls in love with a female and have a sexual relationship, there are no problems among themselves, but they might face almost militant type of aggression and opposition from others. We are living in the nuclear age, with astounding advances in arts, sciences and technology, and yet there are still large segments of societies, that either cannot or do not want to understand and differentiate between gender,  love, and sexual orientation.

Love and sexual orientation

Love is an emotion that can be experienced by males and females (persons). Sexual orientation can simply be described as persons’ sexual preferences with the other gender, the same gender, or either gender (Weiten & Lloyd, 2006). So we have labels for persons with different types of sexual preferences. Males who prefer females are called “heterosexuals”. Males who prefer males are called “homosexuals”. Females who prefer females are called “lesbians”. Males or females who prefer either gender are called “bisexuals”. The foregoing labels all refer to the subjective sexual preferences of individual persons. As in heterosexual love relationships, it is biologically and psychologically possible for homosexual, ******* and bisexual love relationships. And these love relationships are then reciprocated in sexual relationships. However it must be noted that in certain instances, a heterosexual, homosexual, ******* or bisexual sexual relationship is devoid of the emotion of love. It is purely a preferential sexual orientation. The next matter is to clarify any possible debate over the foregoing gender and preferential sexual orientation in a person’s love life.

Consummate Love: A Comparison Benchmark for Love

I believe that at this stage of this article, those who hold the heterosexism perspective might be ready to debate on the ethical, moral, legal and religious issues of gender and preferential sexual orientation in a person’s love life. Before I continue, I would like to clarify that as a graduate student of Counseling Psychology, I am only interested in the process and dynamics of consummate love as a benchmark for love regardless of the preferred sexual orientation. I do not support nor am an activist of any particular perspective of gender or preferential sexual orientation.  The issues of gender and preferential sexual orientation ought to be resolved by the receptive individual person within the context of their own societies. So what is Sternberg’s consummate love?

What is Sternberg’s Consummate Love?

            Though there are many definitions and concepts of love, this article would focus on Sternberg’s Consummate Love. Robert J. Sternberg considered consummate love as a complete form of love. He listed Intimacy, Passion and Commitment as the three vital components that determine the type and strength of a person’s love. Let us first look at the three vital components that develop a complete form of love. The first component is intimacy.

            First Component – Intimacy

                        Sternberg (1988a, pp. 38-40), identified ten aspects of intimacy which are self-explanatory. 1) Desiring to enhance the well-being of a loved one. 2)  Enjoying happiness with the loved one. 3) Esteeming the love one highly. 4) Being able to rely on the loved one in times of need. 5) Possessing mutual understanding. 6) Sharing one’s self and one’s possession. 7) Accepting emotional support from the loved one. Providing emotional support to the loved one. 9) Communicating intimately with the loved one. 10) Appreciating the presence of the loved one in one’s life. Next, the second component is passion.

            Second Component – Passion

                        Passion can be either positive or negative intense desires, including sexual desires experienced in a love relationship. Passion also includes needs like self-esteem, dominance, submission (Evans & Tait, 1991, p.212). And lastly, the third component is commitment.

            Third Component – Commitment

                        Commitment is the cognitive component of love which includes both short term and long term decisions in loving a person. The short term decision is to love your partner. The long term decision is to maintain that love and make it endure (Sternberg 1986, 1987, 1988a). It was based on these three components of love that Sternberg developed the seven different types of love experiences. The seven different types of love experiences are as follows.

What are the Seven Types of Love Experiences?

1.      Non-Love: There in an absence of intimacy, passion and Commitment. This refers to an acquaintance kind of relationship. This has no love experience in this category.

2.      Liking: There is the component of intimacy but passion and commitment is absent. Friendship relationships typify this category.

3.      Infatuated Love: There is the presence of passion but intimacy and commitment are absent. This is the “love at first sight” type. It can be very sexually orientated.

4.      Empty Love: There is the component of commitment but intimacy and passion is absent. In collective societies that belief in arranged marriages, the initial stage of marriage might fit this picture. This kind of situation can also describe failed marriages but where divorce is put on hold for the benefit of children or other considerations.

5.      Romantic love: Intimacy and passion are present but commitment is absent.  Sometimes intimate friendship that has sexual attractions develops to fit this category.

6.      Companionate Love: There is intimacy and commitment but the absence of passion. Long term friendships fit this category. Marriages in which the initial passion has cooled off also fit this category.

7.      Fatuous Love: There is passion and commitment but the absence of intimacy. Whirlwind love affairs of celebrities typify this category.

8.      Consummate Love: This has intimacy, passion, and commitment. This is what Sternberg called the complete form of love. It is the comparison benchmark for love.

            When two persons regardless of their sexual orientation are in love, the complete form of love to aim for is the consummate love. The reason being, it has all the three vital components of Intimacy, passion and love. All other forms of love do not develop into a consummate love. Achieving consummate love involves a lot of effort, time and a conscious will power to achieve and maintain. It is almost an ideal form of love. That is why I consider Sternberg’s perspective of consummate love as a reference guide to be used to compare our love life. The questions that we must continuously ask ourselves are:

1.      Do we have an intimate love life with our partner?

2.      Do we have a passionate love life with our partner?

3.      Do we have a committed love life with our partner?

4.      What type of love life do we have?

So whoever you are (male or female), and whatever you’re sexual orientations are (heterosexual, homosexual, lesbian, bisexual), check your love life using Sternberg’s perspective of consummate love as a comparison benchmark. You will instantly know where you stand in your love life with and for your partner. As a person who loves another person or as a person receiving love from another, you will know what type of love life you are experiencing now.